The Axe on Wattapad

Ice attacks!

Another cool inspiration for writing Wintertide. Thanks, Majda!

All over the world

The Pixies. Evergreen. Love them. Very much.

For Wintertide:

With a pet at my side
God in the sky
Snow falling down
Freeze my body to the ground
I can't ride
But one more time
I will ride
All over the world



All over the world

With a pet at my side
God in the sky
Snow falling down
Freeze my body to the ground
I can't ride
But one more time
I will ride
All over the world

Washed over the side
Top of the sky
Slow diver down
Two feet land on a different fround
You can't live easily
You can't even speak
But all of them speak
All over the world

I will meet you over there
I am going to meet you over there
Washed over the side
Top of the sky
Slow diver down
Two feet land on a different ground
You can't live easily
You can't even speak
Fish all of them speak
All over the world

A plain with no herd
Not even a bird
When one side is hot
The other side of the moon is not
It's just like a ride
Maybe some time
They'll make it a ride
All over the world

I will meet you over there
I am going to meet you over there

Time is an arrangement
Time is an arranger
I am a derangement

All my thoughts
All I am are my thoughts
All my thoughts
I am all what I'm taught

Better call the ranger
Got a train derailments
Better call the ranger

What I'm taught
All I am are my thoughts
All my thoughts
All I am are my thoughts
What I'm not

Cool inspiration for writing Wintertide

A woman looks out of a window covered in frost
while travelling on a bus in Bucharest, Romania.
(source: Daily Mail Online)

Here are some interesting articles and photos to remind you of upcoming winter or of writing about global cooling if that is what you do. I do. So, this is more like a inspiration for me to keep typing. I managed to write about 20.000 words so far and I believe that an e-book in Croatian will be published before Christmas. It will be ideal gift for people who we love. To remind'em how our lives are short and fragile. Can't think of better gift. Not only for Christmas but for everyday. ;-)

English version will probably be published after New Year. Maybe accompanied with some blizzard storms in the real world.

Meantime, I'll keep typing. I even made a deal with a friend that we will produce at least 1000 words per day for two weeks to keep ourselves motivated. And it works! So, if you are also trying to melt off your writing muscle like I do, find one a fellow writer to make a deal. Just pay attention to pick one who is trustworthy. Because if You pick a wrong guy or a girl - you are screwed.

So long, Penguins!

Ah yes, links:

Europe's worst early snow in 20 years
Snow falls in Rome for the first time in 26 YEARS (by DailyMail)
Worst March snowfall in decades
Winter of 1946–47 in the United Kingdom
Winter of 2009–10 in Europe

I'll be there, in the sun and in the shadow - review

Ja bit ću tu, na suncu i u sjeni by Christian Kracht
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

One word - flatland.

Very well written (although, I read translation), nice descriptions (sometimes like a good canvas) but I couldn't connect with characters and story didn't suck me in. There is no thrill, there is no suspense, there is no even some deep insights or genuine suffer or pain to connect with. It's just listing of episodes. There are a few good scenes like the one with German partisans but also there are some completely inconclusive and already seen like standing on the mine.

To me, this is just another postmodern smart and "provocative" flatland novel. Shallow. No depth in characters, no evolutionary perspective. Whole thing stands on a "shock": Swiss Soviet Republic, Africans that wage war in Alps, Germans and Brits are Nazis but that's, unfortunately, all. Pitty. Because idea is really provocative and opens a great space for exploring possibilities of alternative history and human development.

Luckily, novel is short enough to be read in a few hours. Thanks for that! ;-)

Or, you can forget what you just read about the book and conclude that I'm just stupid or to old fashioned for this postmodern prose.

View all my reviews

Fire from within

Fire from Within by Carlos Castaneda
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Excellent book for people who want to get insight in shamanic spiritual tradition. Other than that, it is pretty much hard to understand it's content if one does not have any spiritual training at all. So, be careful! This book is not for everyone.

Stay focused, Naguals!

;-)

View all my reviews

Change (part two) or What is the cost for avoiding change?

28 days later - still drinking :-)

What are we paying and with what Monet?

We're paying for not living our lives and Monet is our life. In other words, basically: It is a question of conformation and non-conformation. At least in Croatia.

So, what I did last week? I took a vacation and the first three days I spent drunk. Yeah. I drink a lot and I drink fast. On Friday a friend of mine had a birthday party, on Sunday I lead a workshop on e-publishing and we drank a couple of drinks to celebrate the end of a successful workshop and on Sunday I went to help my father with some woods for the coming winter (because winter is coming :-)) and an old friend of mine came too so we got drunk really hard after the job was done. My wife almost carried me to the bed. The next morning she said:

- I don't like you when you're drunk.

Well honey I don't like myself when I'm sober. I don't like myself when I'm drunk either, but only the day after. To cut the crap - I don't like myself, honey. That's the reason when you ask why you drink yourself to death? Actually every day I don't commit suicide is a victory. Yes, honey, sometimes is like that.

So on Monday, the day after, I was really depressed (mild hangover included). When my wife came back from work we had a serious talk and we got to an agreement not to drink and smoke (both of us) for three weeks. I said:

- More suffering? Bring it on, baby! At least I'll suffer by my own choice.

Tuesday passed so-so and on Wednesday I started to meditate, exercise and write. Not much, a couple of hours of writing, but I manage to put almost 1000 words on paper (I know it's a screen actually but paper sounds more like I'm a serious writer). And so I did on Tuesday and on Friday and on Saturday. The story isn't over yet because it broke loose and I don't know what will happen and how will it end. (A nightmare for a control freak like me. :-) But also, the greatest thing in writing process.) As soon I started to do all this things (not without procrastination, hesitation and so on...) depression disappeared and joy and happiness took place. I said to myself:

- All right! That's how I want to spend the rest of my life! I-ha!

And I really very much enjoyed the rest of this vacation. I managed even to reduce the pain in my back so now I can regularly sleep eight hours in a row. That's a winner! And not even one thought of suicide crossed my mind. :-) Sunday evening my spouse and I went for a walk by the seaside and treat ourselves with a beer and A cigarette for enduring the first week of none drinking and non smoking. We deserved it.

p.s.
To say a few words about I don't like myself thing. It's only partially true. Yes, I don't like myself but more precisely – I don't love myself. It doesn't matter what's the reason – probably some kind of unfulfilled expectation of how I or my life should look like – because knowing the reason will not help me to love myself (like is more ego-thing, love is more spiritual-thing). I need to do that, to love myself, not to understand why I'm not doing it. Understanding, eventually, could spring me/us to start do something – it isn't the solution to a problem. We are not mathematical or physical problem which needs to be understood to be solved. We are much, much, much more complex than physical laws – we are biological beings, of course, but we are also emotional beings, reasonable beings and spiritual beings. We cannot be what we are if we only use reason to "understand" what's wrong. So, reasoning is not enough! This is the first obstacle and sometimes it's quite enough to stop us. Listen people, reasoning is not enough! We must do things. We must do things that confirm to us that we love us. To love is to care. Do you care for yourself or you just do things to impress others and maintain image of yourself to yourself (very rarely to others because others know us better than we do ourselves)? Do you care? Do I care 'bout myself? Well, when I'm not drinking myself to death, not smoking 20 fags a day, exercise regularly and eat according to my metabolic type – yes I do. I care 'bout my body. Thank you! When I write 1000 words per day and read every day and work towards becoming full time writer – I care 'bout my talent and my calling. Thank you! When I meditate every day and expanding my worldview with new insights and cut my bad habits as soon as I notice them – I care 'bout my spiritual development. Yes, I do! Thank you for asking!

To conclude – the question is not: Do I care for myself or not? The question is why I'm not doing it? And answer to that question is the reason why we resist changing. Fear.

Fear of what?

The Colony

Inspiration for Wintertide. Haven't seen yet, but I will for sure. :-)

Postcards from Italy

The shattered soul
Following close but nearly twice as slow

The times we had
Oh, when the wind would blow with rain and snow
Were not all bad
We put our feet just where they had, had to go
Never to go

The shattered soul
Following close but nearly twice as slow
In my good times
There were always golden rocks to throw
at those who admit defeat too late
Those were our times, those were our times

And I will love to see that day
That day is mine
When she will marry me outside with the willow trees
And play the songs we made
They made me so
And I would love to see that day
Her day was mine 

Life Before Death

I have nothing to say.

I can only be grateful to Walter Schels and his partner Beate Lakotta for doing this.

I'm deeply touched.

Thanks.

Here.